the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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