I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
