He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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