my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
