Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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