allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
