White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's like heaven, but drunker
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We need to get me chipped asap
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
