addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
