I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
