I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
