I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
