Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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