we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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