I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
