Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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