Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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