You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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