you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
