Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
