he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
