pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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