wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
