Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize