dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
