doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
