you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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