dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
