Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
