had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
