Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
