I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
