So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
