i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize