Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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