I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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