I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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