I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
