Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
