I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
