smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
