Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
