I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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