just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
