Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
