I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
