I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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