I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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