Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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