Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
