the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
