Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
