If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
