apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
