so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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