He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
