I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
