how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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