They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He shit in the fireplace
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
