I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
