he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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