I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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