i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
