nut hugger
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
