Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
