Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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