Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
