Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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