I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
