Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
