im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
