Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
