Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
