I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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