Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
