just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
