the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
