Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
