I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
