Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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